#just one of my scream into the void moments

[aventurineswife]

The character waking up from a horrible dream where they lose their partner (aka reader dying in that dream), but then they turn around and see that their partner is just sleeping beside them. Desperately reaching for their partner for comfort and accidentally waking them up to their panicked state. (Veritas, Feixiao, Kaveh, Sunday, Aventurine.)

“I can't live without you”

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Feixiao x Reader, Ratio x Reader, Sunday x Reader, Kaveh x Reader, Angst, Nightmare, Vulnerability, Emotional Comfort, Dream Sequences, Protective Partners, Fear of Loss, Love, Reassurance, Intimate Moments, Angst with Happy Ending.

Warnings: Disturbing Imagery, Panic Attacks, Emotional Vulnerability, Desperation, Fear of Loss, Sensitive Topics (Death), Mild Violence (in dreams), Strong Emotional Themes, Intense Emotional Turmoil.

The dream was relentless. An endless void of ignorance threatened to engulf him, and at the center of it all was you. You stood before him, your light snuffed out, your voice a distant echo. No matter how hard he tried to reach you, the abyss swallowed you whole, leaving him powerless to stop it.

Ratio shot upright in bed, his chest heaving with the remnants of panic. The cold sweat that clung to his skin felt foreign and unwelcome. His eyes, glowing faintly in the dark, darted toward your sleeping form.

For a moment, he froze. There you were, your chest rising and falling steadily, your face serene in the dim light. A flood of relief washed over him, nearly buckling his usually unshakable composure.

He reached out, his hand trembling as it brushed against your shoulder. The contact was feather-light at first, almost hesitant, before he gripped you firmly, pulling you closer as if to anchor himself in reality.

You stirred, blinking up at him in confusion. “Ratio? What’s wrong?” you murmured, your voice thick with sleep.

His gaze softened, but the panic still lingered in the tightness of his grip. “You... You were gone,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically fragile. “I couldn’t save you.”

You cupped his face gently, your warmth grounding him. “I’m here,” you whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Ratio let out a shaky breath, his head resting against your shoulder. For the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to be vulnerable, holding you close as he whispered, “Forgive me for waking you. I just... I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.”

The battlefield was a blur of chaos and carnage, but the one thing that stood out was your lifeless body lying in the rubble. Feixiao screamed, her voice a guttural roar of anguish as she fought to reach you. Her enemies fell like leaves before her fury, but no matter how fast she moved, she couldn’t save you.

She jolted awake, her breath ragged, the echoes of her nightmare still reverberating in her chest. The room was dark and quiet, the only sound the steady rhythm of your breathing beside her.

Her eyes locked onto your figure, her heart twisting painfully. “It was just a dream,” she whispered, but the weight of it felt too real.

Feixiao reached out, her hands trembling as she brushed your cheek, her calloused fingers gentle despite their strength. She pulled you into her arms, her grip firm but desperate, as if holding you could chase away the lingering shadows of her dream.

“Fei?” you mumbled, your voice drowsy and laced with concern.

She buried her face in your hair, her breath warm against your neck. “I thought I lost you,” she admitted, her voice wavering. “I... I can’t lose you.”

You wrapped your arms around her, your touch soothing. “I’m right here, Fei,” you said softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Her hold on you tightened, her body trembling as she whispered, “Promise me. Promise me you’ll stay by my side.”

You nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Always.”

The dream was a nightmare of ruin, a vision of a world where his creations had crumbled, and you had been lost amidst the destruction. Kaveh ran through the chaos, calling your name, but there was no answer. When he found you, it was too late.

He woke with a start, his heart pounding so violently it felt like it might break free from his chest. His eyes darted to your side of the bed, and when he saw you sleeping peacefully, a choked sob escaped his lips.

“Kaveh?” you murmured, sensing his distress even in your half-asleep state.

Without thinking, he threw his arms around you, holding you close as if to shield you from the horrors of his imagination. “You were gone,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I... I couldn’t save you.”

You gently ran your fingers through his hair, your touch grounding him. “It was just a dream,” you reassured him, your voice soft and steady.

“But it felt so real,” he said, pulling back slightly to look at you. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and his vulnerability was laid bare. “I don’t want to lose you.”

You cupped his face, your thumb brushing away the tear that escaped. “I’m not going anywhere, Kaveh. I promise.”

He nodded, his forehead resting against yours as he clung to you. “I’m sorry for waking you,” he murmured.

“You don’t have to apologize,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “I’ll always be here for you, just like you are for me.”

And as Kaveh held you close, the weight of his dream began to lift, replaced by the warmth of your presence and the steady beat of your heart.

Sunday stood amidst the ruins of a paradise he had once protected. The Sweetdream Paradise, once lush with life and hope, was now a barren wasteland of ash and silence. He called out desperately, his voice echoing through the void. The weight of his wings dragged him down, feathers dull and tattered. Before him lay the figure of his partner, lifeless, eyes dulled and empty, as though the very essence of their soul had been drained away. He reached out, but their form disintegrated like sand slipping through his fingers.

"Why...?" he whispered, the words barely audible as grief swallowed him whole.

Sunday's eyes flew open, eyes wide with panic. His halo trembled slightly, its eye-like symbols flickering as if responding to his distress. His breaths came shallow and fast, the weight of the nightmare still pressing on his chest.

Then, a soft warmth brushed against his side. He turned his head swiftly, his hair falling in disarray. There you were, peacefully asleep, your chest rising and falling with each gentle breath. The sight shattered the tension in his chest, but a trembling hand reached out instinctively, brushing against your cheek to confirm that this was real.

His touch stirred you, and your eyes fluttered open, meeting his gaze. “Sunday? What’s wrong?” you asked, voice groggy but laced with concern.

Sunday’s wings trembled slightly, and he let out a shaky breath. “It was… just a dream,” he murmured, though his voice betrayed the lingering fear. His hand cupped your cheek, his touch tender yet desperate. “I thought I lost you.”

You shifted closer, wrapping your arms around him, grounding him in the present. “I’m here,” you reassured, your voice steady as you pressed a comforting kiss to his forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sunday clung to you, his usual composure giving way to raw vulnerability. In the quiet darkness, his arms enveloped you, cocooning you in a protective embrace as he murmured softly, “Thank you… for being here. Always.”

The roulette wheel spun endlessly in Aventurine's mind, the clicking sound echoing like a heartbeat. Across from him stood the shadow of his partner, their image fractured and fading. Each spin of the wheel chipped away more of their form, the glow of his eyes reflecting their dissolution.

“No!” Aventurine shouted, his voice cracking as he slammed his fist on the table. He scrambled to stop the wheel, but it only spun faster. Their final words, faint and haunting, reverberated through the emptiness.

“You gambled... and lost me.”

Aventurine bolted upright, his breathing erratic and uneven. His left hand instinctively reached for his neck, his fingers brushing against the slave mark he always wore on skin. Sweat dripped down his brow, and the room felt suffocatingly silent.

He glanced to his side, panic lacing his movements. Relief crashed over him like a tidal wave when he saw you lying beside him, your expression serene in sleep. He reached out hesitantly, his fingertips ghosting over your arm before he placed his hand firmly on your shoulder. “You’re here…” he whispered, his voice trembling with disbelief.

The urgency in his touch stirred you from sleep. Your eyes opened slowly, meeting the wide, almost desperate gaze of Aventurine. “What’s wrong, Kakavasha?” you asked, using his real name, a softness in your voice that instantly calmed him.

For a moment, he couldn’t speak, his smile faltering as raw emotion overtook him. “You… you were gone,” he admitted, his voice breaking slightly. “I thought I lost you, and—”

You cupped his face gently, grounding him with your touch. “I’m not going anywhere,” you promised, your thumb brushing against his cheek. “I’m here. Always.”

Aventurine let out a shaky laugh, his usual charm slipping as he leaned into your touch. “You’re too good for me,” he muttered, though his grip on your hand tightened, betraying his fear of letting go.

You smiled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “And yet, here I am.”

In the dim light of the room, Aventurine wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close against his chest. “Don’t ever leave,” he whispered, the words a quiet prayer as he buried his face in your hair. For the rest of the night, the man who always took risks held you close, unwilling to gamble on anything that might take you away.

[honeyhotteoks]

exciting update !!

chapter two of across stardust is done! i am just editing it at the moment, and plan to finish that up tomorrow morning for posting before i get started with work. it’s a LONG one though so i just want to make sure everything looks good before i post.

i also had the wild idea to make a pinterest board for this fic, so i’ll be posting that tomorrow alongside the fic too! some of the references i use for this fic are so distinct and i just feel like it would be fun to share that with you all in case you’re into it.

lastly…… as you saw recently, i’m off twitter (probably permanently, though i’m not deleting my account yet). if you want to follow me on bluesky, i’m over there @ honeyhotteoks…. but i’m also thinking it might be time i use this tumblr for more than just gifs and fic. i’d love to actually properly connect with moots here more and may be just using this more as my main kpop social media, so if you have post notifs on for me… just a heads up i may be yapping more than usual. AO3 is still the most reliable way to know when i post a fic or chapter update, so i’d recommend subscribing there if all you want is to know when i post writing and not when i scream into the void about yunho.

thank you all so much for reaching out and being so kind after my recent update post, and i can’t wait to share the new chapter with you. thank you infinitely for your patience and kindness!!

[laswells-ashtray]

I have returned from the depths of the void that's called depression! :D

Anyways, hello again. Ever since I've been reading your posts of different rambles and all that about different cod characters Mac has somehow wormed his way into my heart. (Curse the Scottish characters somehow always worming their way into my heart)

Something that I thought of while trying to catch myself up on some things I've missed was what if Mac was the one who got hurt on a mission instead of Price? Either by the usual occurrences or even trying to protect Price on a mission. Or even possibly being left behind on purpose by another captain that was willing to do anything necessary to get John on his team, even if it meant leaving a fellow captain behind on a mission to the enemies.

(Also I'm slowly starting to try and get over my fear of asking not anonymously, which I think is a good thing for me. Makes me happy about it. :D)

Always try to keep your depression with a sword and eat some yoghurt. It's the only way. Anyway, hello anon. I am proud of the people telling me that I've made them a MacMillan fan because I know fuck all about that man and I just write him based on the people around me and their Scottish-isms.

John wants to scream. He wants to scream and break everything in sight, storming through the lifeless halls like a twister. His fury sporadic and terminal.

He doesn't, he sucks in a breath through gritted teeth and holds it until he hears another beep, breathing out.

Captain MacMillan is a highly sought-after man, proficient and minacious. He's virtue. Righteousness in the shape of man. A blinding beacon of integrity, the type of good that stings to lock gazes with because it isn't achievable in any other form.

Now, he looks half-dead and human. Painfully human. The dread drapes itself over John's shoulders like a weighted blanket. The room feels glacial, goosebumps racing up John's arms as his eyes linger on the blanched face of his captain.

The room is dizzying with timelessness and eternity. It feels ungodly. Like those interminable moments in a confessional as you await the man who cradles your absolution. There is no salvation here, only silence and wasted breath.

Every part of him aches, the lingering prickling sensation under his skin is torturous. He has no injuries, only reluctant hope to get him by.

Mac doesn't fit on the bed, his shoulders are too broad as is his waist, and his legs are too long. The bed is fit for John, the man who belongs in it. It was his originally but he'd never known a Scot who wouldn't dive in front of a bullet like the scar would be a badge of honour.

The bullet should've pierced his flesh, blood should've wept from his wound and he should be the one with a machine monitoring his heart rate. Not Mac, never Mac.

He should've been pacing around John's hospital room, a string of thinly veiled Scottish threats as he glowered at John's unconscious figure. The sergeant should've woken up to his captain ranting and raving at him, skelping his lug before pulling him into a bear hug and letting John slump against him as he radiated heat and comfort.

Instead, he stares at the body of one Captain MacMillan and no one stares back. No dark blue eyes, like glaciers crashing down into the ferocious, thrashing waves below to offer him consolation in such a dull, pallid room.

Truly, he's alone. The entire building reeks of chemicals, antiseptic doused over every molecule in the foundations. It's sterile. There's no scent of Mac's Vaseline men's deodorant that smells as ridiculously cheap as it looks. He's never smelt a deodorant that dries out your lungs quite as effectively as that one, he longs for that smell so much that it throbs in his chest. There's no faint smell of cigarettes because Mac had decided his life's mission was a lung cancer diagnosis, John can't remember the last time he smoked. He'd had to leave the room to do so.

He wants the other man to wake up, wants to scream himself hoarse and shake him until he gets the message. His life is not with more than John's.

He sighs, uncrossing his legs and lifting his elbows from the arms of the chair to cross them over his chest as he slumps back in the unbelievably firm, craped seat by MacMillan's bedside. He tries to blink away the stinging in his eyes as they watch the rising and falling of the Scotsman's chest.

If he tries to listen past the beeping, he can almost hear it.

"Am awright, son."

[spotlightstudios]

Ohoho, I love getting ready to leave the house for months at a time and hearing my parents talk about putting down our cats. Very enriching and not at all stressing me tf out.

[spinjitsuburst]

ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap

HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!

so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!

this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post

I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER

THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE

so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH

Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat

Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it

now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call

✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨

I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON

when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?

BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY

i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him

(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)

also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players

THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good

I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately

"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"

(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)

making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it

so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!

also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly

it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami

"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"

(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)

It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.

to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime

like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them

SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case

so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs

like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao

(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)

anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY

ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue

Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-

Ed i love you

anyways

anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and

yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay

[eldrtchmn]

...3, 2, 1 personal rant incoming

(it's depressing I'm sorry)

[ruby-static]

JESUS CHRIST, ARCADE-

[fadeintolight]

pont pont vesszőcske

[momotonescreaming]

question for the long fic writers - how the hell do you do this? because uuuuuhhh. i have a list of scene ideas and a dream and that's about it. help.

[canibalistic-brownie]

.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[hide-your-bugs-away]

this article excerpt where alan talks about letting a bunch of dudes pour alcohol on him while he played the piano in the early-animal days is my roman empire

[hazlelnoot]

Guys I genuinely don’t know how much more I can take

[tsubasagirl]

Thank you DeNa.

[airenyah]

having a deep-talk with a friend on whatsapp about how i'm really weird about having romantic feelings for someone and thinking about that one time when my mom stumbled across utsukushii kare on viki (back when only the first season was out) and watched it and then promptly sat me down and made me watch it too and by the end of it i was having a bit of a crisis, sitting there with my jaw dropped to the ground going "oh shit i see myself in hira" while my mom is just laughing her ass off saying "there's a reason why i wanted you to see this"

[goodbye-susan]

.